Chaotic Wrestling: Breaking Point 2025, 11/14/25
Ah, November. Family resentments boil over on Thanksgiving, and a bunch of long-simmering Chaotic conflicts finally exploded at Breaking Point 2025 in Lowell!
Breaking Point began with Chase Del Monte coming out to the Five Finger Death Punch version of “House of the Rising Sun” with Chaotic’s absolutely stunning new video display, with least 30 smaller screens surrounding the large screen. Banana Kid was in the crowd holding up a sign that read “TURD.”
Mortar, the people’s champion, came out into the crowd (Fear not, fans—he has a new intro video that suited the new display. Gone are the branches blowing in the wind!), danced, high fived, and eventually made his way into the ring.
It is here that we must mention that a fan seated at ringside was attired in a full-body Scooby-Doo costume. No reason was given. No reason was needed.
As Rich Palladino was announcing the match, Chase demanded that he announce that the belt could change hands on a disqualification. The match got off to a slow start as the competitors grappled, Mortar did a cartwheel, Chase did a cartwheel (sort of—he asserted that this was not a gymnastics competition, which was lucky for him because gymnastic judges would not have been kind to his cartwheel attempt), and even Referee LJ Childress, sporting a mustache that, with time and care, might grow to Richard Holliday proportions, did the most impressive cartwheel of all! One handed!
The competitors abused each other both inside the ring and out, and traded submission holds, but neither wrestler could get the ultimate advantage. Chase gouged referee LJ Childress’ eyes, then tossed the championship belt into Mortar’s arms and played possum. Dedicated fans will remember that Banana Kid attempted the same gambit in October, and it didn’t work then either! Ultimately Mortar retained the title in a very close match, the crowd went crazy and did the Mortar dance, and nobody could believe this was only the first match of the night.
Next up was a scramble match for the Pan-Optic Championship. Cash McGuiness emerged in his trademark ray bans and bedazzled hoodie and pants. Vaughn Vertigo came down from Canada to make his Chaotic Wrestling debut and was soon joined by Queen Ariel, Mike Gracca, sporting a scary skull mask covering an entire Sephora’s worth of eye makeup, and Seabass Finn in a pink singlet that lacked only a little more sparkle to match Queen Ariel. All were there to challenge Kalvin Dumont who walked to the ring on his own feet and inexplicably did not have Cole Rutherford in tow.
All the competitors seemed to bring their A game, but Ariel looked like she was in position to take it after suplexing everybody else in sequence and sharing the ring only with a prone Dumont. But then Tyree Taylor showed up looking uncharacteristically angry! Just kidding! Like Bruce Banner, he’s always angry! Taylor took out Ariel and looked like he was about to end Kalvin Dumont’s life when he stopped, looked quizzically at his hands, and left the ring. Sometimes the need to moisturize gets extremely urgent! Anyway, Dumont was able to pin McGuiness for a quick win, but nobody was really sure what happened.
Next up was the New England Championship match, with Milo Mirra pogoing his way to the ring to take on Arcturus, who may not have a cult anymore, but who, on the positive side, appears to have a fun new fur cape! Mirra dominated the match, flying both with and without the assistance of the pogo stick, but Mirra’s gravity defying came at a high cost—he injured his left knee, which Arcturus promptly locked up in a figure four. Though Mirra grabbed the ropes, Arcturus wouldn’t let go, thus earning himself a disqualification but not losing the title.
Sean Vegan Keegan came out accompanied by Soy Boy, to take on Patrick Wheatman. Keegan dominated the match in the early going, and Soy Boy attempted to interfere but was quickly put in his place by Wheatman. While Wheatman dealt with Soy Boy outside the ring, Seabass Finn entered the ring and whaled on Keegan, allowing Wheatman to re-enter the ring and pin the stunned Keegan. Keegan and Soy Boy limped off in disgrace while Wheatman and Seabass high fived at ringside.
Brad Cashew emerged, looking aggrieved as usual but strangely not bearing a picket sign, to the crowd’s chants of “Cashew Sucks!” He was soon joined by Julian Starr, returning to the ring after a 10-year absence just because Cashew is annoying. Starr put on a clinic, demonstrating the devastating effects of a variety of wrestling moves on the hapless Cashew, but Cashew was able to gain momentum by shoving referee Brendan Paul into the ropes as Starr was climbing them, causing the Starr family jewels to hit the ropes.
Starr then flew off the top rope but hit Brandan Paul instead of Cashew. Cashew brought out Cash McGuiness in a ref shirt and seemed to have the upper hand until Starr’s broadcast partner Pat Matthews ran from the broadcast table into the ring and dispensed with McGuiness. Eventually Brendan Paul recovered and Starr took the pin and the win!
Was this enough action for one night? No! Because after intermission the all-out ladder war match for the tag team championship happened. Each team started with one representative in the match, and only when the second member of the team entered (one every three minutes) could they climb the ladder to success and grab the belts suspended above the ring.
We had the Monarchy. We had the Unit. We had Powers of Influence. We had Miracle Generation (Attired in cool t-shirts with a graffiti-style MG, not to be confused with McG, director of Charlie’s Angels, and, more recently, The Babysitter). And we had Shannon Levangie! And someone else, but we didn’t know who! But it turned out to be Armani Kayos!
We pride ourselves on our wordsmithing, but words fail trying to convey the over the top action of this match. Suffice to say the question is not “who got slammed into a ladder or through a door?” but, rather, “who didn’t?” Did Danny Miles have a barbed wire-wrapped crutch under the ring? You bet he did! Did BMT eat barbed wire? Again, yes! Did Prince Jamari spin around with a ladder around his head, whacking people with it? Yes, but only after he tried it first with a wee stepladder that was not equal to the task. Did anyone go through the door covered in thumbtacks? Of course! There was more “yes, and” in this match than a college improv show! Honestly it was remarkable that any of the competitors were able to stand after a half hour of nonstop action. And also maybe don’t try to buy a ladder or a door in the greater Lowell area this week because we’re pretty sure they were ALL in use at Breaking Point 2025. Eventually Powers of Influence were the only team with two ambulatory members, and they climbed a ladder and grabbed the belts while everyone else was still lying down, groaning in pain and slipping in and out of consciousness.
Fortunately fans and wrestlers alike have three weeks to recover from the onslaught of nonstop action that was Breaking Point 2025! See you in Tewsksbury on December 5th!
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