Chaotic Wrestling: Pandemonium 2026
Today we’re here to talk about Pandemonium! Not the 1990 comeback album by The Time, though that is great too, even if the song “Donald Trump Black Version” hasn’t aged incredibly well. No, we’re here to talk Chaotic Wrestling’s Pandemonium, which came to us live from the fightin’ city of Lowell!
We opened with Milo Mirra defending the New England Championship against WWE ID prospect Sam Halloway, who was announced at 285 pounds and six feet nine inches tall. It was a very tough contest for Mirra, as the much bigger Halloway is far more mobile and agile than the big men of the past who lumbered around the ring and never let their boots leave the mat. Fear not, Mirra fans—the pogo stick did make an appearance (actually a couple of appearances), but it was ultimately not involved in the finish of the match, which was all Mirra flying under his own power to retain the New England Championship.
This was followed by a promo in which Tyree Taylor arrived at the venue, attempted to enter a classroom only to find his way blocked by Patrick Wheatman, who told him that what he did to Rich was unacceptable. Taylor looked like he wanted to actually kill Wheatman, but he managed to control his rage to channel it into the main event championship match.
Powers of Influence then emerged, with Jose Zamora sporting a sling. Zamora announced that Powers of Influence would have to vacate their title because he has a shoulder injury and is unable to defend the title. (If we may break kayfabe for a moment, Zamora’s injury is genuine, and yelling abuse at him is always fun, and so we wish him a speedy recovery so we can go back to hating him on a regular basis!).
But then Waves and Curls came out (to the infectious groove of Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”) and challenged Powers to a handicap match for the tag team championship. How can one man possibly beat two in a tag team match! When he has his injured partner at ringside interfering in the match, that’s how! Powers retained the championship, but we hope we’ll be seeing more of Waves and Curls!
Then former Chaotic head honcho Brian Fury emerged and took five minutes to announce that he’ll be having one last Chaotic match in March 2026! Chase Del Monte came out and offered to wrestle Fury for control of Chaotic, but Fury demurred, essentially saying that he wanted to wrestle someone good. At this point JT Dunn emerged, sporting a nice new haircut, with mic in hand. It seemed that Dunn might announce his intention to wrestle Fury, but instead he took four minutes to say he would not be wrestling Fury. Del Monte then said Dunn was jealous that he was not a Chaotic OG, and then Dunn slapped his face, Fury punched him in the face, and at the end, we still had no idea who Fury will be wrestling in March. Stay tuned!
Cut to a promo of Sidney Bakabella giving Armani Kayos a pep talk. Kayos initially wanted to talk about accessories, but Bakabella told him it wasn’t about accessories (we understand Bakabella’s point, but surely it can be a little bit about accessories), and that Kayos needs to believe in himself as so many others believe in him. Bakabella said Kayos would be on his own for the championship match as he would not be there.
Next up, Cash “White Boy of the Year” McGuiness took on Spike Nishimura, who we were happy to see is back from Japan, seemingly even tougher and stronger than when she left! McGuiness inexplicably wore an eyepatch for the match, perhaps feeling that his performance would be hindered by depth perception. It was actually hindered by relentless strikes from Nishimura, who ultimately won the match after definitively slamming McGuiness into the mat.
Next we got a lengthy promo explaining the love/hate relationship between Sean Vegan Keegan and Seabsass Finn leading into their Vegan or Vengeance match, in which Seabass would have to give up animal products if he lost and Keegan would have to give up Soy Boy Luke Varnas if he lost.
Seabass sported a hideous brown and blue singlet. We humbly suggest he consult with Armani Kayos for some fashion advice! Varnas, at ringside, repeatedly interfered with the match in small ways, but Finn got the best of Keegan for the entire match…until the end, when Keegan got a quick surprise pin to win the match and make Finn go vegan! (Ironically not the most ethical way to introduce someone to more ethical eating, but hey, a win’s a win!)
Then we got a promo of Chase Del Monte saying he sometimes longs for the old days when wrestling could get “a little dirty.” (The closeup on a woman’s mouth whispering “dirty” suggested Del Monte was not talking about distracting the referee or hiding weapons under the ring.) We saw a woman’s hands shaking and pouring a martini and Chase donning a robe. As he sipped his martini next to a woman who, frankly, was out of his league, Chase announced that March 5th in Boston will be Chaotic Wrestling like we’ve never seen it before: After Dark.
Next it was Brad “Big Bacon” Hollister emerged and complained about being booed and how it reflected a society-wide lack of respect, and how everyone should now call him “Mr. Bacon” and give him the respect he deserves. We would argue that the crowd booing him and calling him “turkey bacon” is giving him the respect he deserves. Patrick Wheatman emerged to take on Mr. Bacon. Mr. Bacon dominated early, but Wheatman mounted a big comeback. Ultimately, though, it was not enough to defeat Mr. Bacon.
Next up the eponymous six-person title match, featuring Tyree Taylor, Shannon Levangie, Kalvin Dumont, Armani Kayos, Ricky Smokes, and Mortar. Mortar and Smokes began the match, with the other competitors to enter one at a time every three minutes.
Smokes took the mic to thank Mortar, Chaotic, and the New England Pro Wrestling Academy for making him the wrestler he is as the crowd chanted NXT, as Smokes has been moved up from WWE Evolve to WWE NXT. We hope he’ll get a chance to show what he can do in NXT, as Evolve relegated him to a sidekick role that never seemed to us to be a good match for Smokes’, shall we say, “healthy” ego.
Smokes and Mortar battled it out for three minutes and were joined by Tyree Taylor, who was back in the ring after lurking in the crowd and backstage in the last several shows. Taylor abused both Mortar and Smokes until Shannon Levangie entered. Levangie comically tried to suplex Taylor, but physics got in the way. Taylor was alone in the ring for Armani Kayos’ entrance. Kayos entered in a subdued (by his standards) outfit of black spangled pants with flames at the ankles, but he quickly ripped these off, revealing some sparkly red trunks! Every competitor worked together to get Taylor off his feet and onto the match, and then Kalvin Dumont entered from the back, getting in a sneak attack on Kayos, Mortar and Levangie.
Levangie managed some incredibly impressive moves against smokes and Taylor before being pinned and eliminated by Dumont, who then got pinned by Kayos. After hoisting both Taylor and Smokes into the air, Taylor managed to powerbomb Smokes into the mat, leaving only three competitors. Kayos managed to reverse an attempted powerbomb to roll up Taylor for the pin, leaving Taylor and Mortar as the only remaining competitors. Taylor was unhappy with this outcome and gave Kayos a cheap shot in the ring and gave Mortar a cheap shot outside the ring. By the time security could get Taylor out of the building, Kayos and Mortar were both laying inert in the ring. They both looked staggered, but Kayos managed to hit Mortar with a trio of moonsaults and get the pin, the win, and the belt! New champ!
Kayos was congratulated by his former tag team partner Paris Van Dale, and another fantastic Chaotic show was in the books!
