Chaotic: Locked & Loaded
Rich Palladino kicked things off with the announcement that Jaleesa was hors de combat after being assaulted by Brian Fury at the last show and that Alex from New England Pro Wrestling Academy would be filling in. We all hoped that Fury wouldn’t show up and vent his fury on the rookie!
Caroline was announced as the social media maven, Brendan Paul and Brendan Michael Thomas, formerly known as King BMT, were announced as referees, (and your humble correspondent is also named Brendan, which surely makes Chaotic the most Brendan-heavy and therefore best wrestling promotion on earth!).Rich did not announce it, but we noted with pleasure that Banana Kid was in the audience. And then it was time for a Panoptic Championship match featuring champ Shannon Levangie vs. Trigga the OG!
After the tension between besties Shannon and Paris last time, Shannon came to the ring unaccompanied by Paris. She did flash her bestie necklace at the camera, so hopefully they’ve patched things up. Trigga kicked things off by throwing his nasty, saliva-soaked cigarillo at Shannon, and then the wrestling began! It was size and strength versus speed and agility, and Shannon had the best of it in the early going until Trigga managed to slam her head into the barricade. And then he shoved that nasty cigarillo in her mouth, and though we don’t wrestle ourselves, we’d much rather be put through a table than experience the sodden cigarillo attack! Shannon somehow managed to overcome this setback and won the match in typically acrobatic fashion.
And then, while she was celebrating her win, she was attacked from behind by the other member of the Chaotic OG faction, Chase Del Monte! (Philosophical question: can two people be a faction?). First the crowd abused the Chaotic boss, and then Shannon abused both OG’s, ducking a Del Monte kick that wound up connecting with Trigga’s face and then hitting Chase with the Twist of Fate!
We then cut to a promo showing Mortar and Jaleesa entering their residence, blissfully unaware that a hoodie-clad Brian Fury was watching them from across the street, presumably singing “Every Breath You Take” under his breath!
Back in the ring, Jose Zamora emerged with his ever-present camera and asked for silence so he could speak to his social media following. The crowd did not comply, but Zamora was undeterred, praising himself and his video equipment! He was followed to the ring by Jamari, looking smart in a Ramones-style leather jacket. And then referee BMT hit the ring, clad in a backwards and inside-out referee shirt. Was he making a fashion statement? A tribute to 90’s rappers Kriss Kross? Or did he get dressed in the dark? We may never know! Jamari started with furious offense that might have earned him the win were it not for BMT’s lackadaisical count! Far be it from us to accuse a Chaotic official of bias, but it did seem that BMT was counting a little faster when Zamora pinned Jamari. Still, Jamari kicked out after the 2-count. That time! But BMT’s reffing skills went from bad to worse as he counted Jamari out while Zamora pulled off a rope-assisted pin!
Back to Rich, who announced Jamie’s birthday and then asked first-time fan Janice to stand and receive congratulations for kicking cancer’s ass. Good thing BMT wasn’t reffing that one!
The Vegan Society emerged to their customary music, and may we just say that enhancing Bonham’s drums on Kashmir with a drum machine is both disrespectful and unnecessary. But back to wrestling. Just kidding! First we got Tofu Block again touting the accomplishments of the Vegan Society and saying that Chaotic had to fly in La Familia Surfadora to face them because they’ve beaten everyone else. But La Familia Surfadora did not come out from behind the curtain—instead The Breadwinners came out and demanded a title shot. Keegan replied that The Breadwinners will need to beat a championship caliber team to earn a seventh title shot.
And then La Familia Surfadora came out! We saw La Surfadora at Night Shift Brewing in the summer of 2025, but she now has a family of three other lucha-masked, amigos y amigas wearing brightly colored beach gear! La Surfadora said something in Spanish which we couldn’t understand because horrible Don Bober taught Spanish 1 in our high school and we were not about to take a class with that guy, so we stuck to French, which has proven far less useful in the wrestling world. Still, we know enough Spanish to know that Keegan’s accent was terrible as he agreed in Spanish to a 4-on-2 tag team match between La Familia y La Sociedad Vegana.
Folks, this match had it all. Tofu Block being ridden like a surfboard! A boogie board! A pool noodle! All the competitors leaving the ring in some sort of Benny Hill chase! (Yakity Sax did not play on the PA, sadly.). Once the competitors returned, Tofu Block was quickly pinned, and two members of La Familia Surfadora removed their luchador masks to reveal...The Breadwinners! Wheatman challenged the vegans to a title match at Summer Chaos, and the vegans accepted!
Rich returned to announce that JT Dunn has been suspended indefinitely, presumably as a result of putting his hands on a fan who, frankly, had it coming (See our Summer of Slams 3 wrapup for all the details!) and will not be participating in the Summer of Slams finals, and therefore we’d get a match to see who would replace him.
It would be either Mike Skyros or Tony “The Big Cheese” Navarro, who came out for the next match! The Cheese has new entrance music—would it lead him to a win? Would BMT find the motivation to actually ref the match? He certainly hadn’t found the motivation to fix his shirt! The match was even and clean until Skyros, clearly hankering for a hunk of cheese, removed his mouthpiece and bit Navarro’s hand! Skyros nearly ran into BMT (Who, it must be said, was actually reffing the match) twice, and on the second time, Navarro caught him mid-apology and got the pin and the win! This means The Cheese will replace JT Dunn in the Summer of Slams finals!
Back to Mortar and Jaleesa’s house, where Brian Fury knocked on the door. Jaleesa told him the police had already been called and were on their way and asked, paraphrasing Mariah Carey, why Fury was so obsessed with Mortar. Fury said he’d be in Everett for Summer of Slams 4 and was waiting for an answer for his challenge. And then the red and blue lights came.
Armani Kayos took to the ring to ruminate on his loss of the Skinnyweight Championship, stating that circumstances were stacked against him, in part because Tyree’s “lapdog,” Coach Cashew, was invovled. He was in the midst of demanding a rematch when Coach Cashew came out, wearing long pants for what may be the first time. Cashew announced that Kayos couldn’t just get another championship match and that he should consider himself in his off-season, but that if Kayos beats an opponent of Cashew’s choice at Summer of Slams 4, he’ll get a championship shot. And if he loses, he’ll sit out for a full year! Tyree Taylor came out, and he and Kayos shoved each other a couple of times before being interrupted by the entrance of Ariel, who told them to stop fighting. (Um. She knew she was at a wrestling show, right?)
Tyree told Ariel to mind her business and insulted her children, bringing out Ariel’s inner stern schoolmarm. She announced that Taylor would have to defend his championship then and there against...Jacob Axton! Taylor dominated early with his trademark “swatting his lighter opponent like an annoying gnat” strategy, but Axton managed a comeback and even managed to pin Taylor for a two-count, but like so many competitors before him, Axton succumbed to the Crown Heights Claw and Taylor retained the championship!
Guess who opened the second half of the show? Danny Miles, the Dream Crusher, dressed in street clothes! He recounted his betrayal at the hands of JT Dunn, then doffed his hoodie and said he was returning to the Era of Violence and demanded a competitor upon whom he might vent his wrath! Omar La Casa took up the challenge, and Miles demanded that BMT come in to ref the match though BMT was halfway through a delicious Chaotic hot dog at the time. Miles’ dreams of a quick and brutal victory were crushed by the tenacious La Casa, but Dunn did manage to prevail!
Next up, Rich Palladino thanked both the home crowd and the Tewskbury crowd and told us to stay off our phones and be aware of our surroundings for the main event: a schoolyard brawl between Mr. Bacon and Milo Mirra! (Would the vice principal come out to break up the competitors and deal out ineffectual three-day suspensions to the combatants? We’d have to wait and see!)
There was a great deal of school paraphernalia both in and out of the ring: a chalkboard, a dictionary, a ruler, and even a mini basketball! (Does Mr. Bacon know that schools almost all use whiteboards these days and chalkboards are the domain of restaurants and coffee shops? Apparently not!) Mirra dominated early, making good use of the rulers and even dealing out a schoolyard noogie! But Mr. Bacon got a lunch tray from under the ring and whacked Mirra, who responded by breaking out a bag of dodge balls and hucking them full speed at the stunned Bacon. The brawl continued, with shifts in momentum and both wrestlers making good use of the schoolyard implements. Mirra accidentally took referee Brendan Paul out of the match, so there was no one there to count when Mirra pinned Mr. Bacon! (Except for the Chaotic Faithful, who, sadly, were not empowered to officiate the match but still managed a five count before Mirra gave up on the pin attempt). By the time Mirra leapt at Mr. Bacon and put himself through the chalkboard in the corner of the ring, Brendan Paul had regained consciousness, and Bacon got the pin, the win, and the New England Championship!
Every show counts and anything can happen! Unlike...certain pyro-laden national promotions we could mention! See you next time!
